Meh

I feel like I've been in such a contraditory status (no better word to say that-_-) in a sense that I say that I plan on updating this blog every so often when I really don't. So um here goes.

School: Oh god. When I think about it, I don't even know why I'm even on this thing when I should be watching my nutri sci webcasts. I've been facebooking and internet surfing for the past 2 hours and I must admit that it's quite sad. However, I guess I could excuse myself from doing any epic studying because I had my Organic Chemistry final yesterday. Ugh. It really depresses me whenever I think about it. Why the FUCK does 40% of the whole class get a C?!
arg. Normally, I wouldn't really care THAT much over a C but the fact that Organic Chemistry is a pretty damn big deal for med school really gets me. In the moments before my final, I felt like such a failure because I couldn't grasp specific synthesis mechanisms. *sigh*. It's times like these when I really wonder if Berkeley is right for me. It's like, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to excel in my exams. (yeah yeahyeah. ''Just like everyone else")
In addition, asides from Chem3B, I am waitlisted in all my classes. What makes it worse is that I still have no idea whether or not I am accepted into this internship position, such takes up 3 units. I hate being in a position where I have no idea what is going on.

APO: I love my Hcomm. It was really sweet of them to make such a gift. Despite all the stress that was added onto this semester, I'm really going to miss being a historian trainer. Looking back, It was possibly the most I could ever possibly contribute to the chapter and I wish I could do it again.

Relationships: Like i said before in my previous postings, I'm a little hesitant to give my whole experience on here because of my fear that someone out there will judge me for the things that I have done. But then again, It makes me realize that there's no point in hiding it in anyways.

This semester has been a bumpy patch with TONS of ups and downs. When I really think about it, I'm glad I've got to know you a whole lot better because I don't know what I would've done with I didn't. Sometimes things do happen for a reason. I guess it was nice to have someone who was directly there for me on campus instead of being 300 miles away. I've had many breakdowns this semester that I don't know if they could've been solved by just a simple phone conversation and I needed that direct comfort and someone to actually talk to. I'm not a person who really opens up to anyone until I have their complete trust. When I actually DO have a problem, I tend to bottle it up because I don't see the need to let other people know of my concerns and worry them. It's really hard to bring up such topics to people unless I REALLY need to express it and I thank you for being my support when I needed it the most.

Which now brings me to another subject. Every now and then, I'm always torn by a feeling of happiness and betrayal. Sometimes, I want to competely emerse myself in the feeling i share with this person and yet there are times when I look back and realize how terrible this other person must be feeling and feel extremely guilty. But when I come to that point, it makes me realize that our relationship was way too demanding on my part. At the beginning, I thought it was cute but then it eventually became overbearing and so I needed my space and figured that person should learn how to become stronger from this experience.

I know this is very vauge. But to those people who know what i'm talking about, I hope you understand.