Priorities.

Let me start off by saying that there's just so much to catch up about my life that thinking back to it has will get overwhelming.

In my moment of my contemplative state, I realized how long it has been since I left off with a post on my livejournal. Asides from those who are in absolute direct proximity to me, I have not updated anyone about my life, out of fear that someone out there may judge me or be-little me of some things that I have done within these past couple of weeks. Through out the massive amounts of school work, aphio and dragonboat, I've been trying to survive day by day with little amounts of sleep and constant worries about whether I can obtain at LEAST close that 4.0gpa I had in high school. After going back home for less than 24 hours in one month, heading back to school for an eventful day consisting of 11 hours of community service and then forcing myself to wake up the next morning to dragonboat practice when I know that there's definitely something wrong with my shoulder and back but still go because I don't want to let down the team, I realized how fed up I am with pushing myself to do these kinds of things. (Wow. What a long sentence.)

Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoy doing the things I do. I'm estatic to see how our DB team will do at college race and I love my committee members, especially after they finished the awesome pledge class banner but it's come to point where I need to REALLY start prioritizing things and REALLY force myself to not put 100% in whatever I do. While I was at home, spending some time with my little sister, I realized how much I've neglected my family. It really sucks whenever I tell my sister or grandma that I can't go home for the weekend because I have practice, a ton of school work or a service project. I felt so productive at home with regards to studying that made me complain even more about priorities (hence the start of a new blog).
From last night to now, I've been in this mood where I feel like kicking myself over my lack of focus on school work. You have no idea how much I would KILL to have a day where I can feel productive in studying for Ochem;without any distractions or obligations to go to specific events. The fact that my shoulder can be potentially busted doesn't help either, especially as college race inches near.
So last night, I was practically bitching to him about this and part of me felt so bad but I couldn't help it. I tried improving my mood around people but it was just one of those times where things just didn't work out and it just frustrated me even more.

All I ask is just one day where I don't have to do ANYTHING related to my extracurricular activities and just focus on my school work and sleep.

Lately, I've been trying to ease off the load slowly by choosing not to go to specific events. It makes me feel really bad but then I realize that my priorities are set now.
1) Family
2) School
3) Dragonboat
4) APO.
5) Everything else.

---To be continued..