Voted: "Most Likely to Succeed"...hah my butt.

Don't you hate the feeling when you hear people claiming that they have so many high expecations of you to succeed and you stand there and smiling, thinking in the back of your head that you're not sure if you can fulfill them at all?
Story of my life.


During Spring break, I went out to have dim sum with my friend and his family at 'Tong Buffet Palace' on Clement (where new Chinatown is) and for a majority of the time, his parents were just gushing to everyone else about how 'brilliant/charming/amazing' I was and how I will definitely enter Medical school because I received a full ride scholarship to Berkeley and I am majoring/minoring in such interesting topics.
While smiling and nodding to them all, I couldn't help feeling so dismayed at my performance here at Cal with regards to grades and academics as a whole.
Since I've came here, everyone has been asking on my status on my grades, whether or not I'm doing okay, getting enough sleep, blahblahblahblah. The only thing I can really respond to them is 'yeah, I'm doing alright. eh." But in reality, I truly wish I could be doing so much better..I wish I could be excelling in Organic chemistry or that I could obtain better time management skills and stop getting distracted by other people/things.

It's just that there are SOO many smart people here at Cal that I feel like I don't even know how I can possibly compete against them. Even hearing about these people who don't even need to put in the effort to study and yet manage to get a perfect score just makes me feel so stupid and dumb. and I ABSOLUTELY hate it when people complain about their fucking A- grades and think that it's the end of their world. (...bitches..)

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all these expectations because it motivates me to do well but it just makes me worry to consider the thought of doing only mediocre in all my classes and not 'standing out' for those medical school applications. I truly fear the idea of letting people down in my academic studies, especially my Aunt.

The reason why I bring this up is that I've been trying to debate between taking physics 8a or MCB 102 during the summer. MCB 102 will no doubt be harder because it is about biochemistry but I've heard that it's easier to accomplish during the summer. On the downside, it requires a preq of organic chemistry (done) and Bio1A (first semester of AP bio on steroids. Btw. It's so depressing to hear of that class ruining people's lives/majors......*sigh*) . I have not taken bio1A but Linan (friend who graduated last year) said he did the same and manage to obtain an A+.

You see, after hearing him talk about it and how it's easy, you would assume that it would make me at ease but it's not.

You're talking about this guy who I've been looking up to since I've came here to Berkeley and has obtained >3.9 GPA. If he claims it's easy, I don't know if it really is.

He tries to assure me that I shouldn't worry but uh.. how can I not? Especially after my recent results with my Ochem midterm (and the one that's coming up next week. AHHHH SO SCREWED.).

*sigh* ....I feel so dumb.