"To all, I would say how mistaken they are when they think they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love"

Nicely said.

grr for finals =(

How Bitter Sweet

Today's last ochem lecture had such a bitter sweet ending. =)

I'm certainly going to miss the classes that I have taken this semester ,especially my soc class on Modern Contemp. China.

...which I should be studying for right now because I have a final on that and another class in the next couple of hours.

AHH!

Voted: "Most Likely to Succeed"...hah my butt.

Don't you hate the feeling when you hear people claiming that they have so many high expecations of you to succeed and you stand there and smiling, thinking in the back of your head that you're not sure if you can fulfill them at all?
Story of my life.


During Spring break, I went out to have dim sum with my friend and his family at 'Tong Buffet Palace' on Clement (where new Chinatown is) and for a majority of the time, his parents were just gushing to everyone else about how 'brilliant/charming/amazing' I was and how I will definitely enter Medical school because I received a full ride scholarship to Berkeley and I am majoring/minoring in such interesting topics.
While smiling and nodding to them all, I couldn't help feeling so dismayed at my performance here at Cal with regards to grades and academics as a whole.
Since I've came here, everyone has been asking on my status on my grades, whether or not I'm doing okay, getting enough sleep, blahblahblahblah. The only thing I can really respond to them is 'yeah, I'm doing alright. eh." But in reality, I truly wish I could be doing so much better..I wish I could be excelling in Organic chemistry or that I could obtain better time management skills and stop getting distracted by other people/things.

It's just that there are SOO many smart people here at Cal that I feel like I don't even know how I can possibly compete against them. Even hearing about these people who don't even need to put in the effort to study and yet manage to get a perfect score just makes me feel so stupid and dumb. and I ABSOLUTELY hate it when people complain about their fucking A- grades and think that it's the end of their world. (...bitches..)

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all these expectations because it motivates me to do well but it just makes me worry to consider the thought of doing only mediocre in all my classes and not 'standing out' for those medical school applications. I truly fear the idea of letting people down in my academic studies, especially my Aunt.

The reason why I bring this up is that I've been trying to debate between taking physics 8a or MCB 102 during the summer. MCB 102 will no doubt be harder because it is about biochemistry but I've heard that it's easier to accomplish during the summer. On the downside, it requires a preq of organic chemistry (done) and Bio1A (first semester of AP bio on steroids. Btw. It's so depressing to hear of that class ruining people's lives/majors......*sigh*) . I have not taken bio1A but Linan (friend who graduated last year) said he did the same and manage to obtain an A+.

You see, after hearing him talk about it and how it's easy, you would assume that it would make me at ease but it's not.

You're talking about this guy who I've been looking up to since I've came here to Berkeley and has obtained >3.9 GPA. If he claims it's easy, I don't know if it really is.

He tries to assure me that I shouldn't worry but uh.. how can I not? Especially after my recent results with my Ochem midterm (and the one that's coming up next week. AHHHH SO SCREWED.).

*sigh* ....I feel so dumb.

Augh

"I think i need an explanation because you're messing up my perception.
Was it all just an illusion? Think you need to wake me up.
Hallucination. I can't see past the lines.
Hallucinations. Is what I'm witnessing tonight"
-Myah Marie

Why is it that I keep having these conflicting emotions? It's like one moment, I feel like the world is wonderful and the next moment, I just want to get away from it all.
and no. I am not bi-polar. >_>;

Boo for the end of spring break but yay for the return of internet.

Edit: I know I haven't updated myself with the status of my ochem goal.
Number of lectures paid completely attention in: 10
Number of lectures I zoned out within the last 30 min: 2
Number of lectures didn't show up: 3 >_>;;
Lectures total so far: 15
Lectures remaining: 12 (?)

JIA YOU!

Amazing

It's SO amazing to see people who have the heart and compassion to adopt a baby girl from China.

The thought of adopting a baby from China has usually been in the back of my mind. It was only after watching that documentary on female babies in China that made me really want to considering doing something like that in the future. To think of how the sex ratio in China is highly skewed towards the males is really shocking and to imagine how things will turn out for those males, or just the Chinese society as a whole worries me.
If I were to adopt a baby girl though, I would want to make sure she would be totally immersed in Chinese culture and at least know the language so if she were to ever come back to China, she would know how to communicate to the people who took care of her in the orphanage.

Okay. Yeah. looking way too far into the future but i'm just saying..

Adopting a child is one thing but to adopt a child from another country is just extraordinary. It takes SO much time for a couple get through the whole process of obtaining a child and it just really shows how people can be so compassionate to want to take care of a child who has been through so much as a baby.

eh

I've been feeling so lost through out these past couple of days and it's hard because nobody has been available.
GAH. hfSIDFHDSIFH
I suppose the best way to solve this is to talk it out

Practices

For the benefit of my body, here are things that I've always wanted to do:

1) Completely cover lotion all over body. I've noticed that there are specific areas on the upper part of my arm that is dry and bumpy. I feel like it's grown over the course of time (I blame this on Dragonboat because I never noticed it until then)

2) "detoxify body", Eating vegetables and fruits for the WHOLE day. I don't know if I can do this but I really want to. I feel like my digestive system is crappy because a majority of the food i regularly consume is protein and carbs. ..

3) Drink a LOT of water. I used to do this in high school but i've stopped. I should start again.

4) Put SPF on my face everyday. I managed to be able to do it for 70% of the time I go outside but I feel like it should be better.

Anyone want to join me??