The Show Goes On

Another four years have instantly flashed before my eyes. On the days before going off to college, I remember being hesitant and wondering if I had made a mistake in declining to go to UCLA out of monetary and family duties. I still remember the night before the first day of class started, thinking how intense/crazy/ridiculous my two roommates were for going to sleep at 10pm and planning to get up at 6am to get ready for their 9 am classes (which I also had but like a normal person, woke up at 8am to get ready for it). It's also crazy to think back to how I first introduced myself to Nancy and Jacky, the past captains of CalDB at Calapolooza (and thinking how un-enthusiastic they were with regards to recruitment, especially at info night...) or how Andy and I were handed an Aphio flyer that had Super Mario Brothers on it and while going to Info night 1, seeing Jenn Hom again after going out separate ways in high school.

Flash forward to the present. My ridiculous but lovable roommates are both going to graduate school, one to MIT and the other to Boalt. I'm now living with 7 other people who, drama aside, I absolutely adore and will extremely miss upon moving out. CalDB has grown to be something thats more than just a sports club but where I've met my closest and awesomest friends in college; A team.. no, family that emphasizes competitiveness but being close knit at the same time. I could go on and on about how much I love the team and my regrets for not paddling this semester but that can be for another post at another time. While I stopped doing Aphio by the end of Sophomore year, I can't deny that there are aspects that I miss about it, such as bigging for RHXD and B3P, being on Pcomm & Excomm, heading Hcomm (which, by the way is the BEST committee ever.), and going to random service projects and fellowships. Through Aphio, I managed to reconnect with the first person and friend I ever met here upon moving to California as I consider her to be one of the best and closest friends I've ever had.

Considering these things, I'm quite glad I decided to come here. Being a Golden Bear is much better than being a baby bear with a stupid 8 clap cheer that annoys the shit out of all the other schools... (Yeah I said it. What?) I've learned so much in my classes and while stressful, I am proud to be an MCB major and Asian studies minor, though I do have my regrets for not double majoring. These past couple of years have been full of ups and downs, but I can definitely say that I appreciate all the memories and experiences that I have come upon. I can't really vouch about appreciating the MCB graduation ceremony. Let's just say that I'm determined to see that sitting and getting partially drenched in the rain at Greek Theatre will NOT be my last memory of participating in a graduation ceremony. *curse you weather..*

Its a little sad to think that from here on out, things will be different. Moving back home is going to be weird and it's just sad to see that most of your friends will be dispersed through out or outside of California. It's like one chapter has closed and is another is about to start. For the next year or two, I'll be working at UCSF as an editor and researcher in hopes of developing a vaccine for HIV. I hope to plan to take some classes in the mean time (whether to enroll in TCM school or just take CC classes as a GPA booster or for fun) and really decide between earning an MD, DO, L.Ac or becoming a chiropractor or physical therapist. Oh, the possibilities are endless!

For those reading my potentially incoherent 3am post about life/post graduation, I hope to still keep in touch with you all. It's so easy to become enveloped with other things but lets never forget to take the time to catch up with each other and keep in touch. :)

This whole weekend has been an amazing way to sum up the past four years I've spent here at Cal. Meeting up with old APO friends, going to Linan's wedding, hanging out with awesome friends and most of all, watching CalDB kick butt at baby LB is much more than I can possibly ask for.

I really do miss paddling/racing. I thought I wouldn't cry at the last heat but once I felt the hugs, all the memories and experiences we've all been through came rushing all at once. I am so proud of you all. <3

Twas the Night before Long Beach

Twas the night before Long Beach

Not a CalDB soul was awake

except a little girl who secretly had mighty long reach

back and forth she ran through the room, as her mind ached

waivers, money, jerseys and car rides

anticipating for a shit-ton of surprises.

..

As much stress it brought, I miss it a ton <3

Lets go Cal Dragonboat. Show them who's the boss.

What a week

Monday:

Submerged a cockroach in ice water for 3 minutes. Decided to 'man' up and cut and remove the cockroach leg for lab. Then used the wooden end of a Q-tip to poke at the leg multiple times to measure the combined action potentials from the stimulus.

Tuesday:

Discussed about the movie, Kung Fu Hustle in Chinese Pop culture, particularly it's significance and how the movie has managed to appeal to people in HK, Mainland China as well as in America. Very interesting. Makes me happy to know that I've taken classes that I've always been interested in.

Wednesday:

Used forceps to pick at the wings of wild type and mutant fruit flies and stuck them onto a microscope slide usings nail polish and observed their taste preferences between Sucrose, Trelose and Caffeine. In the midst of picking them up, some of the flies flew away. Personally, that experience was much scarier than the cockroach lab. People brought in snacks and baked goods so everyone in lab got to eat in the meantime. Afterwards, went to Bears Lair with lab AND GSI and played "HELLOOOO CODY" and Kings Cup. MCB majors sure like to make rules incredibly hard for people to get. Got massively drunk from three beers. Walked around campus with le boy tipsy on a Wednesday afternoon. hehehe :)

Thursday:

Watched a baby come out of the mom's vagina from a documentary whilst eating......I don't want to have kids for a while now...

And that concludes my last week of undergrad classes. How eventful. I definitely will miss college. :)

Closure

It's interesting how someone you once trusted and cared so much could disappoint you SO much. It's really shocking and honestly, when I think back to it, its just disturbing...and WEIRD. I don't think I can ever see you in the same light when I once respected and constantly kept you in such a high regard and that makes it really sad. Never in my whole life have I ever experienced so much loss in trust for a person, and it's just. really. disheartening. :/. Sometime in the future, I really would like to try and fix things but it's just unfortunate how you just can't get over something like that.

Don't take it as a way that I'm jealous though. While I do miss what used to be, I thank you for all the experiences/lessons I've learned from being together. It's unfortunate how things didn't work out but I'm glad they didn't. I haven't been this happy in a long time and I hope you are too. Everyone has their flaws in relationships and it was just only a matter of time when it was just too much. As long as you don't go out of your way to make sure I see what you two are doing, I could care less and if you really like her as much (or more) as you once did with me, then I truly wish you the best. But if it's not...it'll just make me laugh at what a stupid decision you made. I hope you realize that not a lot of people are in support of what you've done but hey, if "your heart speaks to her" then do whatever the hell you want and fuck what everyone thinks.

It also amuses me to think that she's going to have this lingering thought that I was once there doing practically same.exact.thing. as you're doing right. now.

So really. Have fun with that. If she has any sort of heart/soul, that thought should and WILL torment and fester in her mind...and all I can do is just sit back and smile. :)

How does that feel now?

Leave the past behind.
Walk away when it's over and the heart breaks
..and the cracks begin to show.

New chapter

Just transfered the calDB listserve over to Sam. Ahhhhhhhh all this transferring power business is so relieving, yet so sad. It's like seeing your baby all grown up and going away for college! :*(

A chapter that I've been working on for the past 2-3 years has now closed and a new one has just begun. I'm excited but a little scared. :)

Making good progress with PT and my shoulder. I miss paddling and seeing everyone :|.

MCB133L Musings

Finished first out of everyone today. FUCK YEAH.

The people around my lab table really like to eat food and want to do the pho/sushi challenge
They also want to have a cooking competition in lab. We shall pipet food particles near e.coli and wait for them to incubate.

Found out that if you're in med school, are married to the someone in the same class as you and are applying for residency, you get automatic admission to which ever residential program your spouse is in.
New goal in life: Get into med school, marry someone smart.

LOL. justkidding. sort of.

"Although they were well aware that their regret and sadness would be nearly impossible to forget, the hope remained that a small measure of happiness might slowly facilitate a beneficial if only momentary respite from their woes. It was truly a new London or New York for those who had been disappointed in love..

He had come alone, without family members or servants. He had brought with im only a leather portfolio which he seemed to treasure like a precious jewel, never letting it out of his sight. When he slept, the portfolio was his pillow and it served as his backrest...

Although all of the men and women on the Island of regret had experienced the tribulations of lost love, when they were bored and restless, they still liked to share their woeful tales of romantic ruin with one another to pass the time and comfort of one another in their fief. Only the lovelorn one remained silent, never seeking comfort or understanding from others. He usually avoided the company of others, preferring merely to cultivate a few close friends, all of whom were also chinese. The men and women on the island could not help noticing that the Lovelorn one never mixed with the others, never spoke of his own love story, and that a smile never came to his face. He looked as if he were holding all the glaciers of the North Pole inside. "

Why did the lovelorn one have to be SO encased in doing nothing but grief over his loss of his lover? Why didn't he just go along with the rest of the men and women at the Island of Regret and just move on? Ultimately, he died in sorrow, sending a phonograph of his last words to his lover, leaving her feeling helpless where later, she too died in heartbreak.

That bothers me.

:)

Asides from the coughing, this has been a good weekend.

Retirement

Feels so nice. B] Especially when it comes to DB recruitment. heh heh heh

I'm genuinely concerned for my shoulder though. Ever since I made that stupid fall from snowboarding I've been feeling this dull aching pain from my shoulder whenever I move. It hurts to swing my shoulder around like I used to and sometimes it pops whenever I grab stuff. In the past, this shoulder has usually given me problems but I normally put it off, thinking it'd get better later on with some massaging but I don't know about this time.

Rubbing salt in the wound

That's what you've done and it's fucking annoying so stop it.

Be fearless

"If you make only one resolution this year, let it be to live boldly. You control this moment: rather than cautiously test the water, dive straight into life with freeing abandon. Imagine the person you want to be and the life you want to live, then simply commit to them. Believe in yourself. Embrace your beauty. Discover a new passion. And whatever you do, whatever you go..don't be afraid to make a splash."

Resolutions

Yes. I know. 7 days late from making them but I should just put them on here anyways.

1) Get a >3.5 final GPA for this last semester. With three classes, I hope this shouldn't be too bad... My main concern would most likely be lab but since I really like how Professor Bautista teaches, I hope it won't be too bad..

-Go to the library for at least one hour during every week day. Yes. Going back to my 'hardcore' phase back in the second semester of my Freshman year. I miss having a library buddy to do this though..

-Attend office hours

-Go to all classes

2) Kick ass on the MCATS

How to attain this:

-..Once again, go to the library for at least one hour.

-Start arranging a schedule

-Don't freak out.

3) 4 PULL UPS!

4) Figure out your shit with regards to TCM school or Post Bac.

5) Find a job.

6) Have better communication with my parents & family

7) Smile and Have fun. :)

In other words..

Personal Achievement UNLOCKED!

For once in years, I have never felt so liberated or just FREE to do whatever I want to do. :)

I am totally acting like an extremely giddy middle school girl and I don't want this feeling to stop.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!